This Way Up

There's really no proper way to explain this, its one of those things that the internet doesn't do any justice as it requires touch, and smell to accompany to text and photos. I spent most of last night making this, my friends and i made some mushroom soup and sat in my room all night.

Ive always had thought that hallucinogens shouldn't be taken whilst your mind isn't totally sound and considering the tone of my last few posts i would of advised someone in my position to not indulge. Ive done them a fair few times before in my life and i do enjoy them, i enjoy the thinking process i go on.

I feel completely happy about my life at the moment, and it dont want that to seem like its a result of the mushrooms, as they didn't give me any kind of chemical to make me happy, i did that myself, they just let my mind go. I learnt that no matter what i do, or how i get into unhappy situations that inside i am a happy person.

Ive always been raised with a lot of love and ive always had so much unconditional love for people but i felt that was taken away from me a few years ago. I met someone that was lost themselves and didnt know how they were affecting me and subsequently i felt like i had to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and almost stop loving everyone.

Last night i got that back, I feel like me again. I revisited old photographs and compeltely questioned all the reasons for me photographing, what it is to me and how i use it.

I learnt that in the times that i am so desperate to photograph things that there are other things that serve the same purposes for me too. For instance this book, i value it like i would any photo, as it is a photo in itself.

It served the same purposes, it gave me a vehicle for understanding things and gave me an object in return that represents my memory, it has the narative quality a photo has but unlike a traditional photo or book for that matter, like the timeless place i was in last night, this book was never meant to be read from cover to cover.

It wasnt wrote cover to cover, it was wrote franticly trying to find blank space, like photography it doesnt really have order untill its editing stage. Its impossible for us to not read it in the normal way, we know how to read a book and thats front to back. Its ok to be read like that, but just know that was not how it was wrote.

Like all my other note books it serves to be a personal thought process on paper.

I present to you my night, and the conclusion that i am happy